| About Me |
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Name: Crazy Bitch
Home: Portland, Oregon, United States
About Me: I've always enjoyed writing, so long as it's something I know about - like me. I'm a student. A mother. A sister. A homeowner. A perfectionist. I try to keep them as separate as possible, but sometimes they intertwine - which is NEVER a good thing. I love shoes. I love dancing, although I don't really know how. I love loud music, bonfires and the occasional glass of beer. I love my family. I love my life. And ever so slowly, I'm learning to love myself.
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| Turning 30 |
| Friday, April 16, 2004 |
Everyone seems to think that I'm having a major problem with turning 30. It's not that I FEEL old. I just have that little voice in my head that says "Do something with yourself." I know that I'm only a few years from my kids not needing me anymore. What then? I imagine I'll be doing the same thing I'm doing now. Nothing. My journal from four years ago verified that. I've been trying to better myself since I moved here, with very little success. (I guess I did lose most of that awful accent.)
It really hit me in early March. I was driving my daughter to get another birth control shot. It was a beautiful sunny day - perfect for driving. I was feeling good about myself - then a thought came to me. I'm only 29. My daughter is on birth control. My daughter is physically able to have babies. If she did, right now, next year, the year after - I would be a grandmother. Oh my god. Most women my age are still having babies. How can that be a good thing for me? How can there be a bright side? My husband said we'll be young and done with parenting (well, sort of) in eight years. But what about everyone else? They will be too busy with kids. I won't ever find someone in the same living situation as me. So I'm relying on my adult children to be my friends. Hmmm.
Actually, turning 30 is like a turning point in my life. I will no longer be 20 something. I will be a full-fledged adult. I will be a beautiful woman that is somewhat fit, not living in a trailer park, not having a house full of kids with A.D.D. No drinking problem. No smoking problem. Just a normal, (scratch that) typical housewife living in the suburbs. The only thing missing? The big bash I was hoping for, with all my new friends. Oh well. Can't have everything. |
posted by Crazy Bitch @ 5:24 PM   |
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