| About Me |
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Name: Crazy Bitch
Home: Portland, Oregon, United States
About Me: I've always enjoyed writing, so long as it's something I know about - like me. I'm a student. A mother. A sister. A homeowner. A perfectionist. I try to keep them as separate as possible, but sometimes they intertwine - which is NEVER a good thing. I love shoes. I love dancing, although I don't really know how. I love loud music, bonfires and the occasional glass of beer. I love my family. I love my life. And ever so slowly, I'm learning to love myself.
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| How to be a Lesbian Dot Com |
| Monday, October 17, 2005 |
Everyone thinks I'm a lesbian.
It started with my clothes. I bought chinos. I outgrew the booty pants (not really) and decided to buy some that were comfortable. I bought sensible shoes and put away the strappy sandals and stiletto boots that pinch my feet. I bought some exotic perfume and put away all of those that smell like flowers or candy. I was tired of being "girly" all the time and decided to deglamorize.
That was my first step to being a lesbian.
Then - I discovered a sensual song...it oozes sex and excites me. When I announced that I HAD to get the whole cd - it was brought to my attention - the artist is a lesbian.
Didn't you know? Only lesbians listen to lesbian music.
Nevermind the shimmery lipgloss. Nevermind the cute tops that show off my terrific curves. Nevermind the flirtatious curls brushing my shoulders. Nevermind that I've been happily married to a man for seven years.
I am hereby, a lesbian.
Wait - there's more. In my Human Sexuality class we were discussing homosexuality. During the lecture, my professor proceeded to say, "Nikki here can back me up when I say that Middle America is full of towns that are small minded and set in their ways and many homosexuals feel misunderstood and head for the larger cities."
There it is. I was misunderstood, packed my shit, and headed for a big city. I am therefore, a lesbian.
And it only took three weeks.
Too bad I don't prefer pussy. |
posted by Crazy Bitch @ 6:47 PM   |
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